My past and My future ©

Tonight I laughed

Tonight I smiled

And Tonight I thought of

My past

And how blessed I am

Within my future.

The troubles I had

During my heartbreak

Clouded my mind  of

The heartache

And heart abuse

I dealt with

Within the relationship

That I can now

Thankfully say

Has passed.

Many may have

Thought I was happy

Many did not

Realise I was suffering

He may not have

Hit me

And he may have done

The best

That he could do for me

But this




Many nights I’d lie

Awake in the months

Leading to the end

Of him and me

Asking myself

Why can he not come

This way

To see me?

You see

What we had

Was distance

A distance

Accessible by railroad

A ride

That would take

3 hours maximum

And not too expensive

To not fight for

Our love to last

But no, no, no

His highness

Could not afford for this

For his dear


Could travel

She could leave her life behind

Without even a blink or wink

Of an eye lid

For I loved him

So deep

I would do

Anything for him

How stupid was I

To even think it

Would get better

He could easily

See his friends

But his girlfriend

Who helped

With his assignments

His worries

Called and texted


To check on

His wellbeing

Even after a year,

After 2 years,

But no,

His night outs

To probably watch

‘hot girls’

To spend time with

The guys

Was far more important

So why should I,

Why should I

Give him this


Now, at this present moment,

Sitting in my bed

Sitting here alone

But with no worries

No fears

For what he is doing

What he is saying

Or when he will contact

When he will ever see me

For even after 4 months

Then grew to 6 months

He never checked out

Of his city

To check up on the girl

He had called his.

Thank you, I say

Thank you

He is history

For I was given

A blessing

To learn how it is like

To fall in love with

A boy at 22

And to know what

It feels like to have a

Boy, not a man

Who ‘loves’ you

But shows no real true

Action to his words

To come running

To catch you

When you are

Falling deep




So deep you feel you’re not breathing

So deep your mind is racing

So deep that no one can save you

Except, you believe maybe him

If he is listening

But deep




You go


In hard times

And he can

Not even hold out his

Hand to catch you

You just fall


God catches you

And gives you breath

And hits you with reality

God was giving me a test

A lesson

A lesson to learn

What I am truly worth

For our Father

Lives in all of us

And He made me

Meet the boy of

My so called dreams

To realise this boy

Was not the one

The one to spend the

Rest of my years and life with

For He gave me,

Yes God gave me

The experience to realise

Love is deeper

Than what I thought I had.

Much deeper

Much stronger

For love is something


And when I have met

The true man of my


I will know

And he will know

It may take



Probably years

But I believe I am destined for


And he is waiting out

There somewhere

On this planet,

Maybe thinking of the

Same things

Maybe dreaming of

The day we


And just

Know, that

We will be complete, one day, and say…

At last.